April 26, 2016
To Her Royal Majesty,
I am not pitching myself for the job of Royal Social Media Manager so much as my company, SocialFlow — before you ask, I must confess that it’s an American company. Please don’t hold that against us as the BBC uses SocialFlow to get word out on social media. It’s also worth pointing out that the BBC has over 2,300 individual users on our platform.
“Get to the point Dear Boy,” I hear you murmur. Okay, here goes: SocialFlow can manage any or all social media accounts or “handles” as they are known, easily, efficiently and effortlessly. If, for instance you think your award-winning rose gardens might be of interest to the general public, we could send out timely Tweets about when it’s best to trim, spray, or feed them whenever we see a large number of people reading or sharing tips on roses.
Your Great-Grandson, George, is very popular and should probably have his own handle. I know he can’t say much now and “ball” and “doggie” only interest a few — but, we would send out word of his official appearances and mention his preferences for certain toys or Royal pajamas whenever he sets food in public. The recent visit b the U.S. President would have been a perfect opportunity. When our algorithm sees high interest in content about the President’s meetings, we would make sure George’s name gets mentioned. Of course most commoners can’t mix with Prince George in real life, but in social media circles, everyone’s equal. I hope that doesn’t offend you.
We would ensure that marketers interested in being associated with the Prince or his haberdashery only use a subtle sponsorship banner at the bottom of the article or photo –we call this “AttentionStream” and I promise no garish logos superimposed over the Prince’s pocket or tattooed across his forehead. We would also promote your birthday and make proper fuss of your Royal household pets who may eat only Purina pet food..
In summary, we would get word out at precisely the time when the masses, (or commoners) are clicking around on like-minded subject matter whether it be gardening, corgies, bird-hunting, or Land Rovers; this will garner a much better reach than your Royal Household currently enjoys. Please don’t take this as American cockyness which I admit exists in spades. SocialFlow will increase your audience by more than 100% — and best of all — you don’t just hire me, you hire a whole team of sophisticated social media experts, for less than the $71,000 you advertised (providing you need about a half dozen handles).
We promise to never share any stats revealing how many likes or shares a post receives about your latest blue hat or how Prince Philip performed while driving the Obamas. We like to say, “we drive the conversations that matter” — we hope you allow us to chauffeur yours.
Mark White & the SocialFlow Team